Don't Look Back in Anger
by Dominomino
Summary: Ashley wants to redeem herself to Spencer, the one she leaves on their wedding, but a big problem occurs, Spencer has amnesia.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_According to Census, there are about 7 Billion people here on Earth today. By that large number of people, how would you know if you already have met the person that you will spend the rest of your life with?_

_What if you have already bumped into her but you just did not able to notice? Or what if that person had already passed by in front of you but suddenly you ducked down to tie the shoelace of your shoe? She might have been already beside you but you were too busy looking at the pedestrian crossing light, waiting for the green man to appear. Maybe she's already there, that you almost met her but suddenly there is a cab that blocked both of your way._

_For so many people here today, there are some people who are lucky enough that they have finally found the person that they want to grow old with; there are also some people who are still hopefully looking out there; but also, there are some who already gave up._

_But you know what? The worse thing is, when you are already holding it on your hands but suddenly you just... dropped it._

_The thing is what if you have only had one chance to meet that person? Would you just let it slip even if it is already in front of you?_

* * *

I smiled as I heard a round of applause after I finished my talk.

"Thank you guys!" I said by the claps fade out. "So it's simple as that. Just always remember, by the time you enter the room, that's when the opportunity starts. You grab that chance and make it happen!"

I paused to let them absorb what I'm saying. "Because if not, you may find a hard time grabbing the second chance, or worse, there may no longer have a second chance"

Once I've done speaking, I felt my phone vibrates inside my pocket.

"Thank you Ms. Ashley Davies, Summit Division head from 2008 to 2012 who just arrived from New York" said the organiser before I excused myself and exit the room. I heard a round of applause once again and I waved my hand a goodbye and pick-up my phone.

Before I had the chance to say hello, "Where the hell are you Ash?!" was hissed by my sister on the other line. Cue to roll my eyes, "I'm on my way Ky, just a bit stuck at the traffic" I lied.

"Traffic your ass" she scoffed.

"I'm gonna hung up, I'll see you ok?"

I made my way to my car to drive to Tina's wedding. Tina was a close friend of ours and she had been our roommate for a long time. She moved out after she got engaged with Trish eight months ago.

I just got back from a business trip from New York. I'm living now with Kyla, Aiden and Emma. Kyla is my sister, and I met Aiden, Emma, and Tina from College and been my roommates and close friends ever since here in L.A.

When I arrived at the venue, of course Kyla is already on her way berating how late I am. _God, such a drama queen!_ After she get the idea that I'm not going to argue with her, she pulled me to our hotel room so that I can start preparing and getting change.

"Ash I know you're allergic to weddings, but please can you just do this for Tina?" she asked softly watching what will be my reaction to what she said.

"I know Ky, I am not planning to bail out ok? I just caught up at the conference, is all." I muttered while I'm putting my make-up. "Besides, I know better than putting myself in a hospital bed when Tina hunts me down for not coming." I smirked glancing at the reflection of my sister to the mirror. "Damn straight!" She chuckled.

* * *

The wedding will be held at the beach and we arrived there, I can't help to take in the place. The ocean, the sand, chairs, flowers, cloth, altar, deck, the aisle, the decorations... all of it, it brings me back to that day. I feel like I've been drowning by the past. I feel like I couldn't breathe, it's all too much.

It did not help when I saw Tina marching down the aisle. It brings me back the memories. I felt like I'm reliving that day again and it took everything in me to hold it together.

"Are you ok Ash?" Aiden asked me from my left. "Yeah, just having a head ache" was my alibi. He knows better not to push it and just squeezed my shoulder, this is the first time I attended a wedding since that day. I took a deep breath and tried to ignore what I'm feeling just focusing on the ceremony.

The wedding ceremony was done and I am now sitting with the crew at the table here in the reception. We were watching how happy Tina and Trish dancing at the dance floor as they get lost in their own world.

"Aww, have you guys see how cute they are together? Oh God, how I wish I had finally found the person that I'm going to marry!" Emma gushed as she watched the couple dancing. _Geez, she's such a girl sometimes!_

"Maybe try not to sleep around and start dating, eh Ems?" Aiden bantered. "Nah I'm good, getting attached is just messy" She answered nonchalantly.

"okaaaay?" my sister look incredulously to our roommate, "You just said you want to find that 'someone' then next thing you're saying that you don't want to get attached, make up your mind Ems!" Kyla grumbled. I snickered at Emma and nod in agreement.

"It's true!" Emma starts to defend herself, "The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that big lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, wherever." Everyone hollered in laughter as she tried to change the track of the topic.

"So Ash, how about you, hasn't found anyone yet?" Emma asked turning to face me.

Before I could answer, Tina and Trish reached our table to have a chat with us. After hugs and congratulations later, I was relieved that Emma dropped the topic about me – "So Ash, you did not answer my question, still not dating?" – or not...

All eyes turned on me waiting for an answer, "uh, nope" was all I can muster and shrugged.

"eh? Who knows, maybe Ash found 'her' already. Maybe she just let it _slipped_ in her hands and we just don't know it" Kyla queried on my right and shrugged. That caused me to glare at her.

"Oh yeah! Maybe it's the high school teacher, yeah Ash?" Aiden exclaimed remembering one of my Exes. "She always took a _goooood_ care of you" I just shook my head remembering the girl.

"Yeah right" Emma snorted. "So good to the point that she treats Ash like her daughter, not her girlfriend!" Ems mocked and earned everyone to laugh again.

Ok seems like the spotlight was mine tonight.

"Ha! How about Ms. Perfect? yeah?" Tina shoots the question at the table. Everyone laughed once again. "Oh yes! Remember those times when she makes Ash feels like she's a moron?"

I got lost at the conversation as I remember one moment with 'Ms. Perfect'...

_We were walking at the beach hand in hand and she speaks "It's amazing how a whale cannot swallow something that is bigger than a beach ball despite how big its mouth isn't it, Babe?" She asked while looking at the sea._

_Being an amused girlfriend that I am, I asked her "Oh really? Wow, I didn't know that"_

_She looked at me in disgust and questioned "How could you not know that?!" All I could do there was to stand dumbfounded._

I joined them laughing after I remember that moment, I guess it's also the story they're thinking about right now.

When our laughter fades out, suddenly Aiden's face lights up as if there is an imaginary light bulb above his head, "ooh, maybe it's the flight attendant! Dude, she almost brought you to heaven right?" he wiggled his brows and gave me a knowing look...

I chuckled as I wander back at the moment with this sexy flight attendant,

_When we reached our hotel room, I gasped as she slammed me at the wall harder than necessary. Just before I regain my composure, she's already kissing me hard, biting here and there. I was surprised as she took my clothes off hungrily ripping it in the process. Then I was tossed in the bed like I was a ragged doll. Man, that girl was such a cat in the sack!_

I shook my head with the smirk trying to clear my mind.

"The thing is she's just like a dream man. When I wake up, poof! She's gone" they all hollered in laughter with what I just said. I remember her always leaving me a note when I wake up saying she has flight in the morning so she needs to leave early, just always leaving me with bite marks as a souvenir. I can't help but snicker at the taught.

This time, it's Kyla who begins to speak, "But guys? Remember someone who came after all of them?" Kyla looked at my direction to tease me. "Mhmm" Aiden nods slowly, humming in agreement.

"The _Photographer_!" Aiden filled in.

I just glared at the two of them trying to stop them. _Ok here we go again_. Then it took everything in me to push the memory to the back of my mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Geez guys, let's just not talk about her, don't you think she still wants to make me a fertilizer to the soil after what happened?" I chuckled uneasily, trying to make it humorous but I guess they sensed the stiffness on my voice by the time the smile on their faces fell.

"Alright" Aiden said, "Hey Kyla wanna dance?" Aiden turned to Kyla trying to break the sudden change of the mood. Kyla nodded and they made their way to the dance floor. Tina, Trish and also Emma followed.

I can't help thinking about _her as _I was left alone sitting here at the table. The memories came rushing back again from the moment they had brought _her_ up...

_"Come on Ash, it's gonna be fun!" Kyla grabbed my wrist pulling me to get outside the car._

_We are parked in front of a bar with the rest of the gang. It has this stupid speed dating event; you know a chance to meet and chat to random people for a few minutes then shuffle and meet another over and over again. You may get their numbers, possibility to date them or get in their pants if you have the chance to. You get the picture right?_

_"Go ahead guys, I'm good in here. I don't need that stupid speed dating alright?" I answered. "I can get a lady without participating with that kind of event" I said smugly._

_Kyla snorted and smacked my head, "yeah right, I wonder how you can fit that 'little' head of yours inside this car ya know" she said sarcastically._

_"Just for fun Ash, who knows you might finally find someone who can tame that animalistic version of you" Aiden added and I shot them a glare when they burst into laughter."Ha. ha. funny."_

_"Yeah Ash, you've been single for a long time. Maybe you should consider dating by now" I just rolled my eyes at what Emma threw in._

_I guess they will not going to leave me alone so I decided to surrender. I'm not a kill joy after all."Fine I'm going even I'm sure I won't be having fun" I pout and crossed my arms like a child._

_I observed the surroundings once we are already inside. There are cocktail tables with numbers each on top. I guessed that's where the two random people will chat. I puffed an air from my mouth, 'there's no chance I will enjoy this' I mumbled to myself._

_As I keep on taking in the surroundings, my eyes landed on this gorgeous blonde standing with a camera hanging on her neck..._

_I must have been dozed off when I felt Aiden nudged me, "Ash good choice!" I just nodded not taking my eyes off of this beautiful girl._

_She's the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on. She's so beautiful, attractive, stunning, gorgeous, legs to die for... hot! _

_Seconds later, she caught me staring at her. She stared back at me and this time, I got lost in her sparkling ocean blue eyes. I started to chant the most holy 'Lesbian Chant' on my mind with fingers crossed at my back 'please be gay, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay'_

_My knees almost buckled from the moment she winked at me. Oh my lesbian God! She winked at me! She. winked. at. me!_

_I was beaming at the moment as someone approached her and handed her a piece of paper. That's the time she turned her body facing fully at me._

_She raised her brow and put a wicked smile on her face while sticking the paper on her upper-right chest. My smile almost dropped when she tapped her hand a few times for emphasis at the paper that was sticked on her chest, and I read "_Event Organizer_" written on the label sticker._

_I heard a chuckle from my left and a whisper, "Oops dude, I guess she's off limits." then she turned around and walked away from us._

_When the event started, I tried to participate and went to chat with some girl "Hi I'm Dianne, and you are?"_

_"Hi Dianne! I'm Ashley, nice to meet you" I replied giving her my trademark nose crinckle and shook her hands. "So Ashley, is this your first time here?"_

_"Uh yeah, my friends just forced me to join this event. So I guess I'll just give it a shot" She laughed at the information "really? I'm glad yo-..."_

_I zoned out as my eyes once again captured the beautiful blonde awhile ago. She's taking pictures of the event and seems lost at her own world. Man, she's so stunning! I wonder if she's sing-_

_"You're not listening are you?" Dianne waved her hand in front of my face. "Uh sorry, what are you saying again?"_

_"Oh forget it" she shooed her hands in my direction. "Talk to her, I guess you got it bad" she chuckled then after apologizing, I excused myself to go to the beautiful blonde._

_I found her sitting at the bar stool drinking Iced Tea, I guess. I decided to man up and made my way to her but she didn't saw me approaching so she was startled when she saw me beside her._

_"Hi" I said to the woman clutching her chest. She cocked her brow at me to continue._

_"I'm Ashley" I offered my hand for her to shake._

_"Uhm, sorry but I'm not a participant" she said plainly._

_"oh it's fine, it's not important" I smiled giving her my award winning nose crinkle smile. "I just want to know if you believe in love at first sight?" I asked skeptically._

_She looked at me confused but shakes her head as a no anyway. I turned around walking away without saying a word, and then I go back again instantly facing her with serious look on my face. Of course, she looked at me like I'm a crazy person._

_"How about at second sight?" She cracked a smile having an idea what I'm up to. "I knew it! I'm like a camera isn't it?" I continued my lame pick-up lines._

_"What?" she asked. "Because I can make you smile" I answered trying to hold my laughter._

_"You know what, you might not be able to go home anymore" she told me with plain seriousness. Oops, I didn't pissed her, did I? I still took the courage and asked, "Why?" Then she smiled again. "Because you're already inside my head" and pointed at her temple._

_'_Ooh, this girl knows how to play huh_' I thought to myself. We just kept on laughing thinking how lame we are._

_"You know what if you're a basketball, I will not be able to shoot you on the ring" I kept my lameness going. "Why, because you're always going to miss me?" I cracked nodding for confirmation. Nice, I really starting to like this girl!_

_"You're like shit, you know that?"_

_She looked bewildered this time. "Huh?!" _

_I'm in the verge of bursting in laughter as I replied, "Because I wouldn't dare to play you!" Then she laughed again, God it's so lame in so many levels!_

_"I'm never compared from a shit before, you know" She managed to say between her laughter. I smiled amused that she still not kicking me out in here._

_"I'm Ashley" I offer my hand once again, this time she took it._

_"Spencer, I'm Spencer" I can't control beaming at her as she smiled sweetly to me..._

I snapped out of my thought when Kyla was calling my name asking me if I want to join them at the dance floor. Of course, I'm not in the mood anymore so I shake my head.

I stand to head at the bar corner to get some drinks.

"Another lonely night, I see" I muttered to myself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for all who left a review, followed, and favorite. It really means a lot. ****btw, I would like to give a shout-out to _Ohsoclever1_ and _Annais81_for the encouraging words! :)**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

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**Chapter 3**

Here I am currently lying on my bed just staring at the ceiling for hours now. I just couldn't sleep anymore; it feels like my brain has a mind of its own so I gave up trying and let myself be drowning by the memories of the love of my life.

It's been two years now but it still feels like it just happened from yesterday. I feel so helpless and frustrated. It's hard when the enemy is you. I glanced at the window seeing that the weather was in a good mood. The sun is not shining so bright indicating that it's not too hot outside.

As my eyes roaming to my room, my sight suddenly landed at the drawer near my bathroom door. This earned me to remember one of my most beautiful mornings here in this room, this bed...

_I woke up my front, feeling a trail of kisses travelling slowly upward my naked back and stopped till it reached my shoulder. Then I giggled when I felt her burying her face on the corner of my underarm breathing in my scent. I can't hide the smile creeping on my face as I realized who the person is doing that to me and turned to face my beautiful companion._

_"Morning sleepy head" she purred and winked at me._

_Her hair is tousled from sleeping and I can't hide the grin creeping on my face at the blonde Goddess in front of me. God how she can still manage to look so stunning even when her hair is tousled and her eyes puffy from deep sleep._

_"what?" she cocked her brow asking the reason of my sudden goofy smile._

_"Nothing babe, you just look so adorable with your tousled hair and everything"_

_She ducked her head at this comment, is she blushing? Awww, she's so cute! She turned around away from facing me and grabbed my wrist to wrap my arms around her waist._

_"aww baby, seriously. You're so cute!"_

_I started nibbling the back of her neck and breathe in her scent as she sighed happily. I chuckled as she pushed her head back into me indicating that she likes what I'm doing to her. I'm about to take it further but suddenly, I gasp as she took me by surprise when she tackled me within seconds and straddled my waist. She pinned my hands at the top of my glaring playfully down at me._

_"You'll be the death of me Davies!" She scolded me playfully._

_I just lay there helplessly as I got lost again in her ocean blue eyes._

_"So beautiful" I mumbled as I sighed and leaned up to give her a chaste kiss._

_She giggled and pecked me on the lips again before saying, "I love you, baby" and then she stood up. I pout as I already missed her warm body against me._

_"Come back to bed" I whined, pout still on my face and I gave her a puppy eyes._

_"Sorry babe, we do have a thing called work"_

_"Come on Spence, five more minutes"_

_I smirked up at her and took her by surprise when I grasped her wrist and yanked her down on the bed. The roles were reverse as I am now the one who's tackling her. I looked at her wickedly as a hint of what I am about to do._

_"Don't even go there Ash!" she exclaimed with a fearful look on her face as she realized what's coming next. I grinned ignoring her plea and I hear a squeal when I blew an air to her stomach and started tickling her._

_"Ash... stop!" She managed to say between her giggles. "Please..." *giggle* "baby!"_

_"Say I'm the hottest person in the world, Spence."_

_"No!" *giggle* "Stop!"she squeled again._

_"Come on babe, say it" I sang as I kept on tickling her. Man, I'm so enjoying this and I would never get tired of having this wonderful woman in my life._

_I snapped back from my glee as she suddenly she started wheezing and took a hard time from breathing. Oh God! I stopped hastily and mentally kicked myself from being an idiot. How could I forget!_

_"Oh god! babe, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" I panicked and ran towards the drawer near my bathroom door to get her inhaler. Yes my poor baby has a mild asthma._

_"How could I be so stupid!" I exclaimed smacking my forehead._

_Once I reached her, I leaned her back on my front and place the inhaler in her mouth immediately. I felt her shoulder rose as she inhaled the contents of the inhaler so deeply._

_"It's ok baby, I've got you. Just breathe for me ok. I've got you. I've got you" I soothed her back in circle pattern till I felt her breathing even out._

_I'm cradling her like a baby as I hear her say, "I'm sorry baby, I ruined the fun" then she turned her face to me and pouted._

_"Shhh, no babe, it's my fault okay. I should have controlled myself and not pushed it too hard. I'm so sorry baby" I sighed guiltily._

_"No it's ok babe, don't feel bad ok. Besides it really happens sometimes right?" she assured me and pecked me on the cheek. God I'm so in love with this girl..._

Ugh, why does it have to be so hard? I missed her so much. I'm such a moron for letting it happen, if only I could turn back the time. If only had I known better. If only I don't have so many questions before. If only I had no doubts on myself. If only I could have been braver. If only.

This is one of the days I can't help but get mad at myself. I can't blame anybody, I did it to myself. I want to punch my face it's not even funny. I'm such a fucking nut job.

I put my pillow over my face as I shout all of my frustration.

"Fuck! I'm so pathetic" I mumble to myself. "Get a grip Ashley! It's your entire fault. You don't have the right to feel pathetic at all"

I scoffed as I realized, "and now you're talking to yourself too? Loser."

I groaned as I felt the pain in my head. I've got a little hangover from the drinks I consumed last night. I needed coffee so badly. I decided to get up and get out of my peaceful room and head to the kitchen.

"Hey Ash!" Aiden spotted me as I closed the door behind me. "What happened to you last night? You've left all of a sudden" He asked looking concern.

I saw my roommates sitting at the living room watching Saturday Morning Cartoons eating cereal. _Yeah we're such a kid._

"well.. I got drunk faster than expected and I just decided to catch a cab instead" I half lied because the truth is, I just can't stand staying at that kind of atmosphere with the emotions that I'm feeling last night.

I glanced at Kyla and continued "I decided not to interrupt you and Kyla to drive me home, since you seemed a bit occupied with each other." I smirked as I saw my sister looking guilty and roaming her eyes around the room avoiding my direction.

"I knew it!" Emma exclaimed in realization. I just shook my head at her enthusiasm; I taught she's too engrossed watching TV to listen to our conversation.

"It's ok ky, I'm glad you guys finally hit it off" I smiled. "Seems like, it took you years of foreplay huh" I pushed just to tease her.

"Yeah well" are the only words she managed to say and looked embarrassed. I snickered, _Since when did she become a shy type when it comes to talking boys?!_

As I was rummaging the fridge while waiting for my coffee, I notice that we already lack of supplies so I asked them if they want to buy some groceries with me. Just another way to distract myself from this emotional morning, at least.

I grabbed my coffee and sit with them at the living room.

Hey guys! Why don't we go shopping as well?" Of course, that's Emma talking. Aiden groaned at her suggestion but continue munching his cereal anyway.

"Yeah, let's get out of this house I'm bored" Kyla agreed giddily. I just shook my head at their excitement but agreed as well.

They all sprinted their way to their respective room to get ready as if they are kids who are meeting Santa on a Christmas Day.

I stood up as I finish my coffee. Sighing as I head back to my room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Again, Thank you so much for all who keep on reading this :)**

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**Chapter 4**

"You're lucky enough that there is someone in there with you, you know." I mumbled softly as I felt my friends watching me talking to a pair of fishes at the aquarium here at the grocery store. I turned my pouty face to my friends and confirmed that they are looking at me like I am a crazy person

"Uhm Ash? Did you just talk to the fish?"

I ignored Emma's question and asked her, "How about me Ems, do you think I will grow old alone?" I asked looking at her straight in the eyes with my combo pout and a puppy eyes.

I saw my friends and my sister trying to hold their laughter just for the sake of 'my moment'

Aiden tried to look serious and console me, "Don't say things like that Ash, I know there's still many fishes out there in the sea. I'm sure you will soon find the fish that is meant for you" they all cracked as they can't hold their laughter anymore from the connection of the metaphor that's been used.

"yeah?" I snickered.

"hmhmm.. You miss her, do you?" Kyla questioned.

"uh huh. More than anything" I sighed. "but yeah I know it's all my fault" I cut her before she can speak.

We kept on walking from one stall to another as we grab the things we needed. I grabbed some chips and threw it in the cart and continued pushing the cart to our next destination. All of a sudden, I froze there standing as I saw a familiar blonde standing at the fruit section at the far-left of the store. She seemed busy examining the fruits while leaning at her push car.

I inhaled sharply and suddenly felt so nervous with what is happening. I felt the butterflies on my stomach were back.

_Is that, is that Spencer?_ I thought to myself. I'm not really sure because she's facing her back on us, she changed a bit after all.

My friends must have noticed the tenseness of my body and looked at the direction that had caught my attention.

"What is it Ash?" I heard Kyla asked from my left.

"I.. I think that's Spencer" I point my chin to her direction.

"Spencer? Your Spencer?!"

"I guess" I nodded, not taking my eyes off her.

"Come on, let's check if it's her!" Aiden suggested with excitement and Kyla rolled her eyes him.

"No ass, she can't see me!" I hissed.

"Oh come on, we're not even sure if it is really her" and of course being curious as I am, "Ugh fine, let's just check ok?"

I hesitated for a moment but started to approach towards her direction. I took a deep breath then I walked slowly and hide from the corner of the shelf. I looked for another shelf near her and when I spot one, I ran to it and hide again just like a ninja. I wouldn't deny that I was enjoying this and I felt like a spy agent tucking and rolling as I approach one shelf to another as I get closer to her.

I felt my nervousness intensify as I reached the shelf nearest from her. I ducked to hide on the low shelf and peeked from the edge to get a better view of her face.

"Ash, I think it's really her" I almost jumped clutching my chest when I realized that Emma followed me. I wonder if she also did all my ninja moves. Anyway, "yeah" I breathe out as I realized it's really her. _But I thought she's no longer here in L.A.?_

Her hair grew longer and shinier. It is also now have light curls on the ends. She's wearing a jean shorts that shows her legs that is now toner than before. She's also wearing a white v-neck shirt with matching her sneakers. She's so beautiful.

I felt my chest tightens as I got lost on her presence. It made me wonder how I managed to live without her. I miss her so much, I want to wrap my arms around her and kiss her like I used to.

Emma suddenly got my attention as she stands up from our hiding place. I already predicted what she's going to do so I start to panic and I hear her about to call out, "Spenc-"

Jumping at her and covering her mouth was my reflex's initial reaction. It caused us to stumble and fell on the floor face first._Oh great!_

I am groaning in pain on top of Emma as notice there is someone looking down at us. I was looking up blindly at her as the light grazing at her back. I blocked the light using my arm and squint my eyes for a better a view._Am I already dead? Is this heaven? why is there an Angel in front of me?_

_oh my Lesbian God!_ My eyes widen in realization. I stood up abruptly and straightened my clothes. We must have caught her attention by the stunt that I pulled in with my friend.

_Oh boy, what should I do, what should I do? oh screw it! _I decided to man up and walk closer to her.

She becomes a bit cautious as I got closer to. When we are face to face, the butterflies in my stomach increased tenfold. My heart is pounding and my hands are sweating as I look straight in her eyes.

"Ho- How are you Spence?" her expression was unreadable as she looked at me then and became it blank as she speaks,

"Who are you?" _wait what?!_

She must have seen my crestfallen face as she continued, "Do I know you?" she looked confused now.

I can't answer her as I remained stunned by her queries.

"I'm sorry if I can't remember you, ma'am. It must be because of my Amnesia, I'm not able to remember my memories. So if you'll excuse me, I'm sorry again, bye." then she smiled and walked away from me.

I repeatedly open my mouth trying to speak and close it when nothing's coming out as if I'm a fish as I watched her walking away pushing her cart to the opposite direction.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you folks for the RFF, I'm glad to know that you guys are enjoying this.**

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**Chapter 5**

**Spencer's POV**

"Oh my God Spence, you've been in an accident?!" Madison asked me as she stands up from the couch with her mouth agape.

Madison Duarte is my roommate, close friend, and business partner. I just met her last year from the Camera Club and became close since then. We thought of trying to put up a studio as our business and here we are now. I told her about my encounter with her earlier at the grocery store. She knows some brief details about her but not all since I'm not comfortable talking about it.

"What? No Mads, I said it will be just my alibi of why I have Amnesia if I ever saw her again." I explained to my friend while I'm busying myself from getting a drink in the fridge. She relaxes and sits down again.

"Ah! So you're really thinking that there's a chance that you will see her again, huh Spence?" Madison implied.

"No, just in case" I said nonchalantly as if it was no impact to me. "At least I'm prepared" I shrugged.

"Ugh Spence, you're so complicated!" she cried out raising her hands "You may have just said 'Get lost, I fucking hate you' or 'Get away from me, you Satan's spawn!'"

"It just caught me off guard, okay?" I sighed as I turn to look at her, "What do you expect me to do Mads? Of course it took me by surprise, I already tried to forget all the things about her, you know." I said as I joined her on the couch, "and now she's like a zombie in my sight, already dead and suddenly rose from her grave again?" she chuckled scornfully.

"You know what I'm thinking Spence? That you will stand that Amnesia of yours to the point that you will forget the bad things she has done to you"

"That's the thing that will never going to happen, Mads" I shake my head in reassurance. I will never forget all the things she's done to me. She hurt me too much to even consider us getting back together.

"So you're really sure about what you're getting into?" aww of course she's concern about me.

"Yup" I nod with conviction. "I'll be fine Mads, don't worry. Besides, like I said 'just in case'" and I added air quotes.

"Ok. You said it Spence. Look, I will just take a shower ok? Matt and I are going out later." she said then winked at me. I just shook my head and motioned my hand to go to her room.

I leaned my back on the couch and sighed as I recall what happened earlier.

Madison asked me to buy some fruits that we will be using as a prop for a photo shoot tomorrow. She can't do it because she said still have an appointment to a client and I decided stopped by at the grocery store on my way home so I won't be bothered to stop by here tomorrow morning.

I'm so engaged in fruit shopping when I heard a loud thud near me. When I turned around I froze to see who the groaning person on the floor is.

_Is that.. is that.. Shit!_ I can't even say of her name. It took everything in me to play it cool despite of the emotions running through me by seeing her again. The rage, anguish, sorrow, and the pain this girl had caused me. I took a deep breath as I tried to set my emotions in check. Just to show nothing...

She still looks so beautiful. Those unruly curls of her Auburn hair, that cute tiny nose that crinkles when she smile and oh, that chocolate orbs that I always got lost in every time I stare at. It did not help when the memories came rushing back from that day...

_I am so nervous but so happy at the same time. Finally the day that I will marry the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with had come. I can't keep the smile creeping on my face from the happiness that I feel. I am staring at the person waiting for me at the other end of the aisle. I can't take my eyes away from her, God she's so beautiful._

_I heard the music play and I started to walk as I heard my cue. She looks so nervous and her expression was really unreadable. My face fell as I realized, I know that look; I know something is wrong. She's breathing heavy and I know her well to know that she's now debating with herself. I tried to walk faster to reach her but suddenly she looked at me apologetically. Then she started to run away and I just stayed there having no clue what just happened. I just stayed there watching her running away till I'm no longer seeing her..._

I shook my head to regain my composure and breathe deeply to calm down. I try to take my eyes away from her and when I had succeed, notice that she's with Kyla, Aiden, and Emma. _Wow how I miss them_. She must have realized the predicament as she stood up quickly and straighten her clothes.

She seemed debating with herself for a few seconds and started to walk closer to me.

"How have you been, Spencer?"

What the hell? Does she really have the nerve to ask how am I doing after what happened? Cool it Spence. You can handle that. Then as if my mouth has a mind of its own I blurted,

"Who are you? Do I know you?" Oh my, did I just said what I think I just said? you know what, screw it!

"I'm sorry if I can't remember you, ma'am. It must be because of my Amnesia, I'm not able to remember my memories. So if you'll excuse me, bye."

Then I walked away from them not sure if I want to pat my lower back for rejoice or kick myself for the lame excuse.

* * *

**Ashley's POV**

"Amnesia?! What is that, a TV Show?!" Kyla asked incredulously.

"Exactly!" Aiden added. "I think she's just mad at you dude"

"Yeah Aid, that's what I also told her" Ems joined in nodding in agreement.

"Besides, after what happened do you think she will still talk to you?" Aiden questioned.

"Uh huh, that's what I also told her!" Ems butted in once again and I gave an exaggerated eye-roll.

We're now already back at the loft, sitting at the living room. I'm still a bit shock of what just happened. Is it true? Should I believe it? Is it even possible for someone to have Amnesia? I've seen it on TV but not in real life. She wouldn't lie to me. Isn't she? Yeah right. She has every right to be. But that doesn't mean she would lie to me, right? Yes, I'm sure she's not going to lie to me. I believed all the things she has said to me, and I always will.

I snapped back from my inner ramblings as I felt my sister nudged me and asked sympathetically, "Hey, you ok sis?"

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair "yeah, I'm just a bit shocked you know. I never thought I will ever see her again, let alone her having amnesia" I answered and put my head on my hands.

"Do you seriously believe her Ash?" Aiden scowled. "Ok, here's the thing, is there anyone here knows someone who has or had Amnesia, huh?"

"hmm no one, but that doesn't mean that it's not true" Ems retaliated and shrugged.

"yeah, she wouldn't lie. We all know that that is a ridiculous excuse, she knows a better than that if ever she's lying" I finally spoke again. They all nod and look thoughtful.

"so you're really sure about that sis?" kyla asked, "That you will believe that?"

"yup" I nod with conviction.

* * *

"Amnesia – a severe blow to the head or from a traumatic experience" Kyla 'googled' from her phone and read it for us.

"yeah Kyla, I believe we already know that" I muttered silently still trying to absorb what happened. I feel so sorry for her. I need to know what happened. What if I-

"Ha! I knew it! Maybe she hit her head on the wall!" Aid snapped his fingers as if he solved a puzzle. I snickered.

"Maybe she's been hit by a bus!" What the fuck? I rolled my eyes as they continued throwing conclusions trying to figure out the situation.

"hmm maybe she fell from the roof!"

"or maybe.. She got into a car accident?"

"But she doesn't look like she's been in an accident; she still looks so beautiful, if not, more, right Ash?" of course that's Aiden. I just smiled as I remember her from the previous encounter. _Yep so beautiful._

"Right, but what if it happened a very long time ago?" Ems shrugged.

Aiden's eyes widened in realization, "oh yes! What if it's on your wedding day?" My eyes also widened at the thought. Oh my God, no. It can't be. Ok I guessed they are oblivious of what they are doing to me. _Guys, I'm starting to panic in here!_

"Yes, maybe it's on that day, right? Just right after Ash left, of course Spencer is hurting too much right? Then Spencer also ran away after we left looking for you." Emma started her tale engrossed by her story telling like we are children on a story telling session. "And then, she just kept on running.. running and running, till she reached the road." she continued with comical hands for exaggeration. "She's crying so hard, so hard as the rain joined her agony and it blows down and that caused her sight to see blur!" She paused and turned to look expectantly at Aiden.

Oh God, these are my friends, ladies and gentlemen.

Then Aiden spoke to continue Emma's story, "So even if she's seeing blur, Spencer kept on running. Then she stopped and decided to cross the road, but as she crosses the road, she doesn't notice that there is an approaching car... and bam! Her skull cracked and a little brain leaked out. And that's the memory of Ash!" Aiden exclaimed.

Everyone in the room threw back their head laughing but me. Oh god I feel like having a mental breakdown. They must have realized what they are doing to me so despite the hilarity, their smile turned into frown and look at me with sympathy.

"Sorry Ash, we are just trying to lighten the mood" I just nod not in the mood to speak.

They all looked down to the floor guiltily, and I felt the need to say what's on my mind.

"I will find her, I need to know what happened to her" they just looked up to me wondering if I'm serious.

"It's not necessarily mean that I will win her back okay? I just want to know how she is and I want find out what happened to her." They just nod waiting for me to continue,

"Maybe this is the chance that I can make it up to her" I breathe out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Ashley's POV**

"Ok confirmed. It's her studio" Aiden said joinging us here inside my car. He just came back from the building in front of us to check if we are in the right building. It took us weeks of searching where Spencer is. I planned to do it by myself but they insisted to help so here we are. We found her from a friend of Aiden who know someone who knows a friend who's a sister of a friend of a friend of Spencer's business partner and told him about their studio. I know it's a small world right!

"Ok let's go!" Kyla grabbed my wrist but I pulled back it immediately. "Wait! But what would I say to her?" I whined with hesitation. I feel so nervous to face her again; even she doesn't remember me anymore, I still feel like I should be ashamed to show up to her. I think I can't talk to her, what if she doesn't even like me?

"What do you mean what would you say to her?" Aiden chimed in, "Since when do you ran out of things to say?" he chuckled.

"Fuck you ass! This is different. This is Spencer we are talking about" I groaned.

"Yes, but it is Spencer who doesn't know you anymore!" Emma retorted.

_She has a point_ "But..."

"No buts, come on Ash!" I decided to surrender as they dragged me inside the building. I can't keep my heart from pounding as we ride on the elevator. _Should I really be doing this? I think I must have some sort of death wish in here. What if she remembers me, oh god I don't even have a last will yet!_

Whoa! Did I just collapsed when I heard the ding of the elevator? I'm such a nut! "Oh come on, Ash! Stand up. This is not the time to chicken out!" My sister scolded me as I feel them supporting me.

"But Ky..." She glared at me and that's the only thing I needed to stand up straight. _Get it together Ash! Don't you remember the reason why you're here!_

I breathe in deeply and try to relax. _This is it!_

When we enter the studio, we saw a Latina at the front desk and greeted us,

"Hello guys, I'm Madison Duarte and welcome to our studio! What can I do for you?"

"Hi, uhm we're just wondering if Spencer Carlin is here." My sister asked the Latina

"Uh yeah, do you have an appointment with her?"

"No, but we are here because w-"

"We want her to take us a picture!" I cut my sister before she can continue to speak.

"Hey Mads! Ms. Collins just called, she sa-" Spencer stopped her tracks when she saw Madison is not alone. She must have not notice us as she appeared seeming busy assembling the lens from her DSLR. She eyed us suspiciously as she made her way to us. I shifted my feet feeling anxious seeing her again.

"Spencer!" Aiden greeted her but she looked confused and quickly replied. "Uhm, who are you?" she asked blankly.

"Hi, I'm Aiden" and he offered his hand to introduce himself. She shakes it and turns her attention still confused waiting for further explanation.

"Kyla" my sister introduced herself offering her hand as well.

"and I'm Emma" Spencer also shook her hand after she shook Kyla's.

"And you?" She turned my attention to me.

"Uhm, A-Ash. I'm Ashley" I stuttered as I shake her still very soft hands. _Wow, How smooth Ash!_

"Ashley? I think I know you" Her eyes narrowed in bemusement "Have we met before?" _Oh shit! Does she remember?_

"Grocery" Emma filled in.

"Oh right! Grocery! So why are you looking for me again?" She asked joining Madison to sit on the other chair at the front desk.

"We want to have a photo shoot" I said giddily feeling relaxed since I guess I have nothing to worry about.

"Oh ok." She said like she's not interested and turned to Madison "Hey Mads, can you set the appointment for them?"

"Can't we make it now?" Aiden chimed in. _Who knew he's useful sometimes!_

"Oh, you want it now? sure" she shrugged and looked at Madison as if they are having an inner conversation.

* * *

"1,2,3 and..." she counts and snap a shot from the camera. We are wearing this fluffy animal mascots because they suggested its... cute. In case you're wondering, she made me wear this KingKong costume. It looks good on me she said, you see she's funny as always!

"So... since when do you guys own this?" I asked Spencer as I removed my head dress. I should at least try to make a conversation right?

"Uhm, I think almost 1 year. Right Spence?" Madison answered for Spencer.

"Yeah" She nodded. "So uhm, you said earlier that we guys know each other before I had this Amnesia. So when do we last saw each other?" she asked me curiously.

"Hmm, 2 to 3 years ago. Right Ashley?" This time it's Kyla answered for me.

"Yeah? I think. I guess?" I stuttered and Spencer raised her brow looking at me.

"Oh you don't remember? you have Amnesia too?" she chuckled. "No, I'm just kidding"

I don't know what to say, I just stand there and chuckled awkwardly. She hold up her camera once again and gestured us, "Smileeee!" She sang and then speaks again, "Oh wait a second, I don't have any ex from anyone of you, right?" she pried.

She looked at Aiden for an answered, "Nope" he answered shaking his head.

Then to Kyla, she shakes her head, "Nuh, Straight all the way"

Then to Emma, "Nope, I'm into red-heads" and raised her hands in defense.

Then she turned to look at me looking. Wait, what should I say? What should I say? She doesn't remember me right? I can't tell her, not yet at least. Besides, I know now isn't the right time, how should I explain to her that I'm her ex that caused her too much pain? How could I explain to her that I'm a jackass that ran away from her two years ago at our freaking wedding day. I don't even know if she knows about that day in the first place.

And so, I shake my head even I don't want to deny that once she became mine. _Oh for the love of Lesbian God! Please tell me I'm doing the right thing._

She nodded slowly and carry on, "Ok, glad to hear that. At least we're clear right? At least I know that I didn't hurt anyone of you. That I didn't do any mistakes to anyone of you before, right guys?" and I just gulp there nodding like a child trying not to caught by her mother from doing something bad.

"So how about we take a solo shots?" She queried quickly as to change the subject.

"Ash, you first" Ky said and the three of them sat at the couch on the side.

_Okaaay this is awkward._

I just stand there fidgeting trying to figure out what to make as a pose. It's been a long time since I last felt shy in front of other people. It's been a long time since when my hands become sweaty from nervousness. Oh did I already mention that the butterflies in my stomach seemed reproduced? It took me by surprise when I felt Spencer reaches her hand tucking a strand of my hair to the back of my ear. I shivered from the touch and my breathe hitched. Did she ju-

"Ok smile!" I snapped back from my dazed and made an instant wacky shot. She looked at the preview monitor and muttered "looks sucks" louder enough for me to here. She glanced at me and explained, "Oh not you, it's the light." She then turned away to fix the studio lights.

_Come on idiot, talk to her!_ I breathe deeply and speak, "soo.. How are you now Spencer?"

She glanced at me and continue fixing the lights. "I'm ok, why do you ask?"

"uhm nothing, it's just.. It's been a while since I've last seen you"

"Why, how am I like before?"

"Actually, it's like you don't change so much. You're still funny. You're still kind. You're still beautiful, no, more actually, I must say. Uhm, you're still amazing. You're still... You" I ducked my head and smile at her shyly waiting for a response.

"Ok we're done!" was her response as she turned away quickly going to her desktop. She then connects the camera to store the photos. I just watch her doing the thing I know she really love. Oh boy, how I miss her so so much. I want to hug her so, so tight and kiss her. Ugh! If only I can bring back the time, oh God, I'm such an idiot. I just sat there torturing my self as I watch her taking solo pictures of my friends and my sister. When they were done, we said our goodbyes and thank yous and then head home.

* * *

**Spencer's POV**

"Liar!Liar! Liar!" Madison grumbled as she keeps poking the screen that displays Ashley's photo. "I can't believe she denied you as her ex!"

She looked at me waiting for a reaction, when she see nothing her face softens and said,"But in fairness Spence, you convince them. You're such a good actress!" She smiled proudly and stood up headed to the equipments.

I sighed, "I wonder why she's back" I said for the first time not taking my eyes of the screen. I felt her looking at me from her position,

"hmm, maybe she's here to come back for someone?" she implied and started putting the things in place. I scoffed at her and stood up after shutting down the desktop. We are now about to close so I joined her to start cleaning up.

"No way Mads, she already hurt me big time. I guess that's enough already." She just nods in understanding.

I grabbed my purse as I finished cleaning and wait her at the door.

"What if she's determined, Spence? what if she chase you?"

"Then it's up to her, Mads. She can chase me all she wants, but that's if she can catch me" I winked at her as I punched the password to lock the door.

"Oh Spence, you're a bitch!" She scold me and shove my arms playfully.

"You know it Mads, you know it!" I bumped her shoulder as we head to the parking lot.

* * *

**Ashley's POV**

I'm just got settle on my bed as I heard a knock on my door. "Hey, you decent?" Kyla opened my door slightly for my response. I snickered knowing what she's thinking. She's hoping that this is not one of the night that I chose to sleep naked.

"Of course Kyla, you know that I lock my door when I'm naked right?" She chuckled in realization and proceed to come inside. "Is there something wrong, my dear lil sistah?"

"oh no, everything is fine big sistah!" she answered me imitating my musings and then jumped to my bed, face first.

"so what's up?" I asked her as she snuggled at me. "Nothing, just want to check up on you"

"me what about me?" I questioned feigning in ignorance. "what about about me you're ass" she snorted.

"You want to know how am I holding up with the whole Spencer having Amnesia thing, isn't it?"

"uh huh. Just worried about you sis. Are you really sure of what you're getting into?"

"To be honest, I don't really know yet Ky. I'm still not sure if I'm doing the right thing, you know." Though I know that what I did was unforgivable, I will not deny that since I saw her, I can't keep myself from wanting to be near her again. I can't stop thinking about her. And even if she doesn't remember me anymore, I feel the need to ask her for forgiveness, but we all know that that's a no no for now. I want to redeem myself, I want to give her back all the years that I have stolen from her. If only I can take away the pain that I've caused her, I already did.

"But are you sure about her this time, Ash?"

I breathe in deeply and speak, "Kyla, you know that I'm always sure about her right, it's myself that I'm not about before" I cringe as I remember how idiot I am. How could I not be sure about myself settling down with the most amazing person on Earth. Too bad, if only I realized sooner...

"but how about now? are you really sure about yourself? Are you ready to get hurt?" I raised my brow for her to elaborate.

"Of course old Spencer might be different from the new Spencer today, we don't know if the new Spencer will still even like you"_  
_

She waited for me to absorb what she just said, "I'm not in a rush sis, for now I'm not even thinking about that yet, it' not fair to her. She doesn't know" she remained quiet to let me continue, "today, I just came realize that I now have a chance to make it up to her" I said smiling to her. "I will try to give her back the years that have stolen from her, to make her happy in every way possible"

"You said that sis, just remember that I'm always here for you alright? I will support you as long as it's making you happy"

"Thanks drama queen" I said ruffling her hair "Come on let's sleep now" I started to yawn.

"You can sleep your brat ass in here, I know you want to even you don't say it" I peck her cheek and turned around to get comfortable position.

"Whatever" she said settled tucking herself under my blanket. "Night Ash"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

** Spencer's POV**

"Hurry up Mads! We're gonna be late!" I called Madison as I wait for her in the Kitchen while making a coffee. We are having a photo shoot today and it will be done outside of our studio so we need to be there early to make sure that our crew have set up the equipment properly.

I was singing along with David Choi's Won't Even Start that was playing on my plugged Ipod on the stereo when I heard footsteps walking down the stairs, "Ok. I'm ready!" She announced smiling sweetly at me as soon as she appeared in front of me. I just rolled my eyes on her being such a diva.

"Good Morning your Majesty!" I greeted her as I faked a British accent and a bow like the one given to a royalty. "Is it really hard for you to pick a shirt out?"

She just looked at me incredulously as she accepts the coffee mug I offered her. "Geez, cool it Spence, 'Dress like you are going to meet your worst enemy', remember?" I scoffed once she winked playfully at me after saying her oh so unique and philosophical motto.

"You're a photographer Mads, for God's sake! What is hard about picking out a top or a comfy snickers or a boots? It's not like you have to dress like a diva" I chuckled as I unplugged my Ipod on the dock. "Whatever Spencer!"

"Come on Mads, we're gonna be late. Frankie called me and he said that they already done setting up"

I sling the strap of my camera bag on my shoulder and gathered the tripod. I gestured her to pick-up the remaining reflectors after she picked up her own camera bag.

As soon as I open the front door, we are greeted by a beaming brunette in front of us. "Good Morning, ladies! Here let me" she grabbed the equipment that I was holding and motioned me to open the lock of the trunk of my Lexus suv. I was too shock to argue and soon realized that I already pushed the unlock button of the smart key.

I stayed there standing clueless from what's happening and felt Madison whispered, "Seems like the 'operation-chasing-Spencer' has already began chica" and that's the only time I realized what the hell is happening.

I bumped Madison's shoulders and flipped my hair as I followed Ashley to the garage. "Hello Ashley! What are you doing here? Is there any problem regarding the photos we've sent you?" I forced a smile and asked Ashley sweetly._ Just act civil Spence, she doesn't know that you know her remember?_

"Oh no no, it's great actually." She glanced while she continue piling up the equipment Madison has hand over her. "I'm here because... I was looking for you!"

"and why are you looking for me?" I asked suspiciously.

"hmm well, what do you think is the reason why someone is looking for someone?" She answered me with a question.

"because she likes her?" Madison prompted and I just threw her a glare for butting in.

"No, you're looking for someone because she's lost" the brown eyed brunette replied Madison. We looked at her with confusion and wait for her to carry on, "Lost because she escaped in here" she explained as she taps over her heart with her right fist. _Oh yeah, how could I forget! She's still the queen of lame pick-up lines, I take it._

She looked at us expectantly, and Madison and I cracked in a fake laughter. We high-five each other as I motioned her to get inside the car and soon got my idea. The moment we are settled inside, I started the engine and wait for Ashley to close the trunk. Before she can open the door to follow us, I pushed the accelerator to leave her there standing just watching as the car retreats from her.

"Fucking hell, that line was so lame Spence. Is she like that since then?" Madison managed to ask between her laughter.

"I know right! I wonder how it did work for me!" I chuckled then instantly felt bad as I realized how serious this is.

"So Spence, are you okay with this? With her being around, I mean?" She asked as she turned from her seat to face me. I love how she knew me well enough to know that what I show is just all a facade, that deep inside it's really killing me with the things that going on.

"Well, I don't know Mads. I thought I will never see her again you know, if only I knew she's here in LA again, I won't be coming back." I glance at her. "Besides, after she.." I breathe in deeply and continue "She left me there standing with just my brother by my side, she can't just go back like what she did to me can be undone"

"I know Spence, I know." was her only response at my sudden outburst and squeezed my shoulder. I was about to park the car when my friend sat up straight, "Uhm Spence? is that... Is that Ashley's car?" my Latina friend asked as she point her finger at the parking lot. My eyes widen when I see my ex's black Porsche parking peacefully at the pavement. _Oh you have got to be kidding me!_

"Ho.. How did she managed to do that?" I questioned no one as I get out to my car. She came rushing to me giddily like a child and waved, "Hello again guys!" _Didn't she realize we left her earlier on purpose?_ She did not wait for me to respond and precede to my trunk to pick-up all the equipment. Oh yes, All.

"and what is it now that you are doing here?" I questioned Ashley as I leaned at the side of my SUV trunk.

"Oh I just forgot to ask you guys if you want to go out to have some coffee?" she answered as she finally succeeded to balance all the equipment clinging on her midget body. _what? she really is a midget! I always tell her that._

"uhm, you know we can't, you see we are having a photo shoot right?" I pointed my thumb at the building in front of us.

"How about after then?" She asked beaming hopefully. "Oh this will take so long, we are rushing to finish the whole scenes so I'm guessing this will take us till overnight"

"Then I guess I will help instead so you can finish it earlier" _She's still acts like a kid, I see. _I guess she won't stop until we let her do what she wants. Fine, let's see if you can handle the wrath of Spencer Carlin!

"Don't you have a job to go to?" Madison queried as we made our way inside the building.

"uh, none" _really?_

"Did you quit your job?"

"Nope, just took a leave" she smirked as we enter the elevator, "what floor?"

"38th" I said and I can't deny that I'm impressed on how she able to press the button with her balancing all the equipment on her body.

"So you took a leave just to drink a coffee?" My Latina friend asked in amusement.

"yup!" the brunette answered again beaming like a child this time.

"You can put them here" I told her with a fake sweet smile.

"OK" Oh I can't hardly imagine how her cheeks hurt from the smile she's holding since earlier. If only not because of her crinkling nose, I already kicked her out.

_Oh my God Spence, what did you just said? _Forget it subconscious! It doesn't mean I'm okay with this.

**Ashley's POV**

Did I already mention that this is a swimwear photo shoot for the upcoming summer collection of a fashion magazine? Just imagine us surrounded with girls wearing bikinis. Yes, I know I'm lucky!

But meh! of course I tried really hard to keep myself from checking them out, and I must say the job was easy because they seem nothing compared to Spencer. I know I'm a sweet talker!_ God Ash, you're so full of yourself. _But it's true though, no one's going to beat Spencer.

I'm just sitting here waiting the next favour from Spencer, I've been helping them with setting up and stuff and I'm glad that she's putting me into use. My eyes was roaming around because I was looking for Spencer as my eyes captured this Amber Heard look-alike in a red bikini; oh yes, you read it right. BI-KI-NI! AM-BER-HEARD! I looked away quickly from staring but I didn't help to_ unconsciously_ glance back to be _sure_. I'm just a human after all! But I'm not ogling, I swear! I'm not that person anymore, I'm not like that since we started da-

"Hey Ashley?" I snapped my gaze as Spencer called me and looking at me suspiciously. Oh shit, did she just catch me from looking at that girl? It's just for 3 seconds for crying out loud! I hope she's not pissed. I'm not in trouble am I? Not that we are together, but of course I'm building a good reputation here okay? Right.

**Spencer's POV**

_Is she really doing what I think she's doing?! Does she really ogling that blonde model?_

"Hey Ashley?" I just smirked when I startled her from my call.

"uh yes, Spencer?" she asked while wringing her hands as she walks closer to me.

"May I ask you a favour again? I think we left the other tripod in my car, can you please get it?" I asked politely as if I didn't see anything. She felt relax and nodded.

"Ok" she replied beaming _again _as I gave her my keys. She retreated running excitedly like a child who consumed too much sugar. Minutes later, she came back showing the tripod proudly at me.

"Why is it only one Ashley, there's another one, right?"

"oh sorry I might haven't notice, let me get it also!" she beamed again and turned around running and bouncing to go back to my car like it's not a long journey to go back there.

I didn't know Madison is observing me until she nudged me, "You're a Bitch!" she accused giggling and I shoved her lightly. "I know"

Ashley came back still bouncing and exclaimed "Here you go Spencer!"

"Thank you Ashley!" I take the tripod she's been proudly holding. _Again._

"No problem Spencer"

She's about to turn around but I cut her from doing so, "Oh wait Ashley! May I ask one more favour?"

"Sure, what is it?" She asked excitedly as she waits for my next instruction.

"Well we ran out Body Shine Lotion for the models, is it ok if you buy some? Please?"

"OK!" _Isn't she getting tired of smiling? Seriously?_

Just a few minutes later she came back with a Body Shine Lotion with her. _How the hell did she do that?! _"I'm back! here's the Body Shine Lotion Spencer" She gave it to me smiling proudly with her nose crinkle.

After hundreds of favours later, she already looks very exhausted from all the things I asked her.

She caught me looking and her face lit up, "Is there anything I can do, Spencer?" She asked me as she unconsciously wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. _Seriously? She can still take more?_

"Oh just stay back, you can sit there for now" I said as I point the corner of the room. She nodded and walked to the corner of the room.

I started to get back to my work while secretly observing her. She looks really tired from all the things I asked her to do, but what I can say, she asked for it, right? I should not feel bad, right?

Hours later and I got so engaged in doing my job. This is what I like about doing the things that I love. I get easily engrossed to the point that I forget the things around me. It's just nearly 10 pm and it seemed that we're already done here.

"Ok, let's wrap it up. Thank you so much to all of you for participating. It is really nice working with you" I dismissed them and our crew started to packed the things up.

Oh right! I almost forgot about her, "Hey Ash-" oh, since when did she fell asleep in there?

"Hey Spen-"

"Shhh Mads, it seems like the Princess fell asleep in here. Maybe let's not wake her up yeah? She looks so peaceful after all" She chuckled and shove me playfully "It's official, you're a bitch Spencer Carlin!"

"You know it Madison Duarte! Come on before she wakes up" I said as I hooked my arm on hers heading to my car.

"Do you think she's already awake?" Madison asked as we settled in the living room.

"Probably, you know how her precious back is used to a soft King size bed and not on a floor so I guess it didn't take her long enough to wake up after we left" I chuckled evilly.

Yes I know what I did was such a low blow but she asked for it. I guess that it will teach her a lesson for showing up again and it might scare her off. It so hard to act civil with her like it is not affecting me since the time I saw her again. I don't know until when I can handle being her around acting like it's nothing when the truth is I feel all the emotions coming back. She had broken me big time, and she has no right to fuck me over again, especially when I am starting to get better now. I don't know until when she's going to do this so I think leaving her in there is an enough indication.

"So Spence, till when do you plan on having that Amnesia by the way?" Mads questioned as she passed me a Dr. Pepper.

"Uhm, until she's gone?" I shrugged.


	8. Chapter 8 (Pt1)

**A/N: **Okay those reactions were expected. I know Spencer really acted a bitch and I'm a bit reluctant about it and hate writing it tbh. So yeah, I know some of you don't like where this story is going. I don't know if I should still continue this so just let me know what you think. But I hope this chapter will help to clear things up, I'm kinda nervous writing this chapter honestly!

oh and btw for the GUEST who comment about me hating Ashley, God I don't hate her, I'm so in love her actually! I hate that she's being punished, but it was part of this story. (So yeah, I just feel the need to defend my love and attachment for that character ;D)

So this is the part 1 of Chapter 8, I decided to divide it into two since I think it'll become too long because of the drama. he he. I will post the part 2 tomorrow/later by the time I'm done with it.

Thank you so much Ohsoclever1, Annais81, Domino L, taymm15, and cosmic for taking time to leave a review. Also Thank you to all who keep on reading this especially those who RFF.

So here you go.

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**Chapter 8 (Part 1)**

**Ashley's POV**

"And the prodigal daughter returns!" I heard my sister exclaimed as I enter the loft. I rolled my eyes as I spot her at the living room consumed by watching soap again. "Where are the 2 doofus?"

"Out" she answered without taking her eyes off the television.

I dropped my body on the couch beside my sister, feeling the exhaustion catching up from the long day. She glanced at me and that did it, she reached for the remote control and turn off the television. "Shit Ash, you look tired. How did it go?"

"Well it's fine. Just a bit tired, you know. She has work so we didn't able to go out for coffee and I just helped them instead. It's fun, she asked me to do this, do that. It's just bad I fell asleep and when I woke up they're gone but for sure she must ha-"

"Ash please tell me you're kidding" she cut me off. I look at her and shake my head in mocking innocence, "Uh no?"

I will not deny that I felt really bad about it to be honest. But I don't regret anything, in fact I'm glad that I had a chance to be with her a while ago. Besides, it's not like she did it on purpose. She has no reason to do that, right? At least not now that she doesn't know who I really am. Maybe she has a good reason; I just don't want to jump into conclusions yet.

"And don't tell me you're still planning to go back there?"

"Of course, I do"

"What the fuck Ash, She's seriously not interested being friends you, please don't be stupid." And by that, it's like cold water spattered on my face hearing the one thing that I've been avoiding to think about all this time.

"There must have a good reason Kyla. In fact, she asked her friend to check up on me. She said something came up and she had to leave immediately. Of course she's not used to me being around so she might not remember that I'm still there" I shrugged. That's right, Frankie, their operator and her friend is the one who woke me up and said that Spencer called him.

She scoffed, continued her fuming, "And how about the fact that she treated you like a slave, what the fuck Ash?"

"It's not like that! Also, it's not like it's against my will okay. They short of people and I said I'd be happy to help"

"And she took advantage of that" she snarled in fury. "She obviously not interested in you sis, can't you see that?"

My breathing hitched in shock, and with me feeling the tiredness, confusion, dismay, and devastation from the long day, she finally hit home. , I don't want to talk about this anymore, I took a deep breath and close my eyes.

"Just drop it Ky" I said lowly.

"No I will not, I've witness what you went through when you leave her. Even when you did the leaving, I've seen how wreck you are, I've seen how it broke you and I don't want you to go through that again."

"It doesn't matter. I will not stop until she's the one who's going to say it in my face!"

"Ash you're being crazy" She stated shaking her head. I stood up abruptly and started pacing on the room.

"You don't understand!" I screamed finally letting out the bottled up thoughts in my head. I can't control my emotions anymore. "You're not the one who feels like you finally able to live again by just seeing the love of your life you thought you will never see again since the day you left her! It's not your heart being ripped over and over again every time you remember that foolish thing you did to her , and the fact that you're there pretending that you have no idea about it. You're not the one who feels the need to bend your knees in front of her asking for forgiveness, if only she can understand. And sis, it's not you who feels the desperation to do anything just make things right, as if it could."

I dropped my body on the couch, panting from my sudden outburst. "Doing all of those things is nothing compared from all the pain I've caused her, sis" I said in a low voice as I carry on. "And I'm willing to do everything as long as I can be with her, it's enough for me."

The tiredness is really catching up on me. I felt my sister hugged me and that's the only time I realize that I've been crying. "I'm so sorry Ash, I didn't mean to say those things to you. I'm just concern about you. I don't want you to see so broken again."

I pulled away from her and ran my hand through my hair. I put my head and my hands, "I broke her heart and if only it can be undone, I will give everything just to take it back. I've been selfish. I just focused on myself and I didn't realize sooner that losing her is worst than anything. I'm an idiot and I will spend the rest of my life hating myself for what I did."

After a moment of silence, Kyla speaks in realization, "Ash don't you think she really knows? What if she's just pretending that she doesn't remember you?"

I turned to look at her, she looked so thoughtful. I scoffed, "No Kyla that would be ridiculous. Don't you think she'll still bother to talk to me rather than confronting me? I don't see what's she's going to get with that"

"You have point, but what if she's just avoiding confrontation? You know, even if it's me I will do everything just to avoid you, for the sake of not killing as well after what you did. But yes you're right, she will not get anything from that."

"Wow sis, way to feel me better huh" I sniffled as I'm starting to calm down. I leaned my back on the couch once again and I she rest her head on my shoulder.

"So, are you going to tell her?"

"Eventually" I shrugged. "I will just see first how things will go, if I have a chance from her then I will have to. But if I'm really out of her life, what's the point right? I don't want to ruin her now that she seems doing okay with her life now."

**Spencer's POV**

_I've been awake for a while now, still keeping my eyes close just absorbing the peacefulness of this morning. I've been living with my girlfriend for months now, and I must say I love every second of it. I swear I will never get tired waking up feeling her warmth against my skin._

_I was brought back from my thoughts as I felt my loving brunette starting to stir beside me. It seems like she's already awake and I feel her rolled over to her side to face me. I pretend to stay as sleep as I feel her elbow sinks to the pillow as she propped up supporting her head with her hand._

_She must not really aware that I'm awake as I feel her staring down at me._

_"Stop staring, it's creepy" I murmured with a smile creeping on my face. I heard a surprise gasped and exclaimed "am not!"_

_I chuckled "tell it to yourself, baby" I replied as I shifted my body on my side so we're now face to face still keeping my eye closed. She grunted and pulled me closer until I feel her nose brushing mine. This earned me to chuckle and she kissed me softly as she breathes in deeply._

_"Marry me, Spencer" She mumbled plainly._

_My eyes fling wide open, as the words registered to me. My eyes were met by promising brown eyes. I sat up hastily and look her down with my mouth agape. "Say what?!"_

_She rapidly stood up to run to the shoe rack and of course, I took the opportunity to take in her naked frame. She came back rushing with a velvet box in her hand and jumped back to bed kneeling in front of me. _Wait, did she just hide the ring from one of her shoes? That sneaky midget! Anyway, _So I'm already in the verge of tears once she opened the box and showed a white gold diamond ring._

_"I know this is not the most romantic proposal baby, and I actually thinking of planning something but as soon as I see your face the first time I open my eyes a while ago, I can't wait anymore to ask you. I can't wait to tell you how much I love to marry you and how much I want to do this. I want to spend the rest of my life with you baby. I want sleep in your arms every night and wake up in the morning still snuggled with you._

_I will be a good wife baby, I will practice cooking so I can make you breakfast in bed, even lunch and dinner in bed if you want to." I grinned. "I will also try to learn how to use the laundry machine so I can do our laundry." I raised my eyebrow and she giggle, "okay, sometimes. But mostly, I will try harder to control my temper from all the slow moving people on the grocery store just to accompany you._

_ I am so deeply, madly in love with you Spencer Carlin – in any way, shape or form – and I know that it will never going to change. You are the most amazing, beautiful, sexy, funny, sweet, kind, smart, and gorgeous that I know and no one can beat that. So Spencer Carlin, will you make me the happiest human on Earth and be my wife?"_

_She finished panting from the speed of her impromptu speech. She looked at me expectantly and I shifted from the bed and kneeled in front of her mirroring her position. I pulled her on a chaste kiss and hugged her tightly, "Ugh, you're really such a sweet talker. Yes, Ashley Davies. I would love to be your wife!"_

_I saw her also crying from joy as she pulled back and slide the ring to my ring finger. I stood up and ran to the closet mimicking her previous action, and came back rushing with my camera on my hand taking a picture of her face and my hand with the engagement ring._

_"So that I will always remember this day and the person who's making me really happy"_

_She smiled lovingly at me and grabbed my face in a fierce kiss. She gets the camera on my hand and put it on the bed side table without breaking the kiss. Then she laid me on the bed settling on top of me as she kisses me passionately. I gasp as she starts attacking my neck and I wrapped my legs around her and start roaming my hands on her body._

_She pulled away from me breathlessly and looked at me with teary eyes, "Oh God, you totally said yes!"_

_I smiled at her and nodded. I pulled her into another kiss and flipped us so I'm straddling her._

_"We're engaged!" I gushed in extreme happiness._

I woke up from my dream, and glance at my bedside clock reading 4:42AM on a glowing red light. _Great. _I didn't get much sleep again. I feel utterly shit, I'm so tired of waking up from my dreams about the memories of us. Ever since I saw her again, it seems like I've been plagued with our memories again. I really fought so hard to suppress these thoughts and now they came back waking me up in the middle of the night leaving me sleepless for hours.

And when I'm awake, I can't keep myself from thinking about her. I can't stop the questions running on my mind. Why did she leave me? Why did she run away? Why didn't she come back for me? What did I do to her to deserve this? Why did she have to come back now? And more questions running on my mind. I want to know the answers from all of it, if only I have the guts to confront her.

I smacked my forehead as I once again remember what I did last night. Fuck, I will admit that I really feel bad and guilty about it. I think I have been consumed by my own pain and anger that I became irrational from doing it. I know it's really low, I should have think about what she's going to feel. I'm not really like this; I don't know what's happening to me. I feel like I am not myself. I don't know if being a bitch is my coping mechanism from all of this, but I just know that it is so wrong.

I don't know what came to me to do that. I'm so consumed by my emotions and the tiredness from work that I became Irrational. God I feel so bad about it, I don't know anymore. It's really frustrating how much this is affecting me.

Last night after I talked to Madison, I can't keep myself from worrying about her so I called Frankie, our operator. I asked him to check if Ashley is still there, and tell her that I'm sorry. I said that something came up, and I need to go immediately and I forgot that she's still there. I had to lie, if I say that I did that on purpose, of course she's going to ask why. Then what? I will tell her that I know all this time? I can't deal with that! Even I'm dying to know the answers to my questions, I'm scared what if I can't handle it. I can't go through so much pain again, I'm such a coward I know. I guess I'll just wait for her to leave again, I'll get used to it eventually.

I feel so tired from thinking so I just closed my eyes try to sleep again. The next thing I hear was the beeping sound of my alarm clock. I stood up feeling heavy from having a lack of sleep. I plugged my Ipod on the stereo and played it on shuffle to lift up my mood and head to take a shower.

"Oh my God you cooked breakfast! Is the judgement day coming?" I threw a joke to my business partner as I went down from my room. "Ha. Ha. Funny Carlin."

The agenda today is we are having a family portrait photo shoot for a client, and it will be held on a public park. We're not usually accepting this kind of work but it is asked from a mutual friend of Madison so we agreed instead. After I munched my breakfast and ready to go, I heard a knock on the front door.

As soon as I open the door, it feels like I'm having a de ja vu from yesterday. "Ashley?"

"Good Morning again, ladies!" She greets me with a hesitant smile. _I don't know why I feel relieved seeing that she's not mad at me, but why is she hear again?_

"What are you doing here?" I was testing the water to see if she's not really mad at me.

"Well, it's just... I guess you left someone last night" She speaks shyly.

"Oh yeah! Uh about that..." _whatever Spence, as if you're not thinking about it all night_. "I'm so sorry. You know, Amnesia" I pointed to my temple and she laughed at my _attempted_ humour. "No seriously Ashley, I'm sorry about that. I know it's really a low blow. It's just, we had to leave and I forgot that you're still there" _So many lie! So many lie! Ugh._

"It's alright. Don't worry about it Spence" she just shrugged but looks like keeping herself from talking more and I just feel guiltier. "So Spencer, how about the coffee I asked you yester-"

"WHAT?! Where?" our head snapped to Madison talking frantically on the phone. After a pregnant pause, she speaks again "Alright, I'll be there"

I came rushing to my friend and asked with concern "What is it Madi?"

"Kelly is in labor" Kelly is her boyfriend's sister and they are very close friends. "Matt said she wants me there. Can you do the shoot without me?" She asked looking apologetically at me.

"Of course Mads, you should go now. I can do it." She nodded and looked at Ashley. "Can you help Spencer?

"Sure, why n-" I cut Ashley off and glared at Madison, "It's fine Ashley, you don't have to do that." Madison glared at me and scolded, "Don't be stubborn Spence, you can't do it alone. You need assistance" My shoulders slumped in surrender. She's right, I need someone to hold the reflector and help in adjusting the lights.

The ride from there was uneventful; we just steal glances from each other for a few times.

"So Spencer, where are we going?"

"To the park, it's just a shoot for a family portrait so it won't take long. Are you sure it's fine for you to help, I mean it's really fine if I'll do it myself you know it's just that I think it's not right fo-"

"Spence stop, you're rambling _again_. Uh I mean, you're rambling." She quickly corrected. "It's fine really, besides I don't have anything to do. So I'd be happy to help" she shrugged.

Once we arrived at the park, it took us for a moment to find where the client Madison was talking about is. When we reached the other side, I froze when I see a group of people wearing formal attire like they are going to attend a wedding.

Then a middle-aged woman approached me and introduced herself. "Good Morning, you must be Ms. Carlin? Ms. Duarte called me and said she can't join you because she has an emergency. I'm Victoria by the way"

I shook her hands not taking my eyes off of the people wearing that attire. "Please just call me Spencer. Madison told me that it's just a family portrait, if you don't mind my asking why you guys are wearing that attire" _Please don't say what I think it is._

"Well it's our parent's Golden Wedding Anniversary and we think that this is a nice present to them" and as if on cue, two sweet old couple appeared from the side making their way to us. My chest instantly constricts from the sight of them wearing a wedding dress for the old woman and a suit to the old man.

_You have got to be kidding me..._

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_TBC_


	9. Chapter 8 (Pt2)

**A/N:** This is the second part.

By the way guys, I forgot to tell you that this story is not purely my ideas. This is adapted b]from the movie entitled My Amnesia Girl, sorry I don't intend to not acknowledge it. I swear a Disclaimer just always slipped on my mind. So all apologies, I also don't own South of Nowhere.

Here we go, I hope you like it.

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**Chapter 8 (Part 2)**

_You have got to be kidding me, is this really happening?_

How could Madison didn't tell me about this. She knows I've been avoiding this like a plague and now I can't help but feel upset. How do they expect me to do this?

Since after what happened to me, I became uncomfortable witnessing a wedding, hell just seeing people on a wedding dress gives me trouble. I excuse myself to call Madison and try to collect myself as well.

"MADISON ERIKA DUARTE! Why the fuck didn't you tell me that this is about a Wedding Anniversary shoot?!" I hissed in a low voice to avoid people from hearing me. I know that she's aware that I'm upset every time I call her on her full name.

_"What do you mean?"_

"It's for a Wedding Anniversary Mads! They are wearing dresses and suits, not to mention the flowers! You know how much I hate this!"

_"I'm sorry Spence, I didn't know. Really, they just said it's a family portrait. Besides I thought you only hate beaches and wedding stuff"_

"Ugh, it's just the same Mads!" I hissed holding my tears; I'm just so upset I'm not ready for this. _"I'm so sorry Spencer"_

I sighed trying to calm down. I need to act professional with this. "Fine, it's not like I have a choice. I can't back out from this just because of my fucking issues" I sighed "I'm sorry if I'm acting like this. I'm hanging up now. I'll talk to you later. Send my congratulations to Kelly ok?"

"Ok. I understand Spence, Bye. I'm so sorry, I wish I could have been there to do it instead"

"Well I guess it's no ones fault. Bye Madi"

I took a few deep breaths try to calm my nerves. I didn't know this is going to be my reaction. This is my first encounter to these things since that day and it took me by surprise. I'm not ready to deal with this yet and I may be over reacting but it's like my mind has a brain of its own. Not to mention that I'm here with Ashley, what a perfect timing. She just helps to trigger the emotion and I can't help but blame her for feeling this.

I took a final breath before going back. _Okay you can do this Spence, get a fucking grip. Just act professional, it will be done eventually._

**Ashley's POV**

I watch Spencer as she excused herself from us and dial on her phone. It is not hard to notice her sudden change of mood and I wonder why. She seems so upset and looks so lost after seeing the old couple. I watch her animatedly talking at the phone, maybe it's Madison. I don't know.

She really looks so disoriented; I wonder why she's acting like that. I can't see any reason for her to feel like that. O_h shit!_ or unless she remembers about that day? I stopped to think, _What the hell?_ What if she's acting like that because this reminds her of that tragic moment, hell even I feels uncomfortable from this. But it can't be. She said she doesn't remember anything right? She doesn't recognize me. Like I said, why would she lie, right? As if she can get something from this. If she knows, why is she still letting me near her, or why is she still not talking to me about it? Why should she have to pretend?

I decided to start setting up the tripod and the light reflector to busy myself from thinking while waiting for her. I hope she feels better once she came back here. I can't bear the thought of her feeling upset, especially if I can't do anything about it. I saw her walking back and I quickly retreat my eyes away so she will not catch me watching her. I pretend to fix something on the gear and when I glance at her, I see she's already in her professional mode.

"Ok guys, can we start now?" They all proceed to their position and Spencer gave me direction on where should I position the light reflector that I was holding. She started to take a few shots and do her stuff.

"So how about we take shots for the married couple this time?" Spencer suggested while detaching the DSLR Camera on the tripod.

The other members of the family go to the side and the married couple positioned. The husband kissed his wife affectionately while waiting for Spencer to be ready.

I hear their children and grandchildren whistling and muttering 'aaws' as they act so sweetly in front of the camera. I frown as I observe Spencer looks like she's trying to hold her tears back. _Why is she so upset? Ugh, does she know?_

"Can you move it farther, Ashley?" I heard her instructed me without looking at my direction. Her voice was stiffed like she's trying hard not to burst from crying. I don't know what to do so I just comply walking a few feet farther.

"Farther"

I think she just doesn't want me to see her current state so I walked farther again. I bet that she's really trying not to make a scene so she keeps going on doing her job.

"Farther Ashley" She managed to say it again, with a tone I can't decipher. I walked farther, almost 10 feet away, even though I know that the reflector has no longer providing an effect.

After the shoot, I felt raindrops starting to fall. I helped her packing the gear up hurriedly so the equipments won't get wet.

"It's fine Ash, I can do this!" she snapped at me and angrily putting the stuff on the bag. _What's wrong with her?_ I just keep going on helping her and ask "What's wrong Spence?"

"Nothing" she said plainly. Her voice was full of emotion, it's like she's going to explode anytime. I grabbed the other gears as the rain started to fall a little and there's no doubt it will soon fall hard.

"Come on Spencer, you're going to get wet on the rain" She didn't speak and just started to walk passed me. _Did I do something wrong?_

She keeps on walking fast as I follow her. Oh great, I guess we can't make it before the rain blows down. I saw an empty shed that we can stay to prevent the gears from getting wet.

"Spence wait up, why don't we just stop for awhile in that shed? You're getting wet" She just kept on waking as if she doesn't hear me. "You're _camera_'s going to a get wet!" I called louder and that seems to get her attention. I know how much she loves her camera, mess with everything but not her camera.

She ran to the empty shed that I directed and I followed her. When she got settled I heard her released a frustrated grunt and I would admit that it's sounds scary. She turns away from me and I breathe in deeply as I took the courage to ask, "Spencer? Did I do something wrong?"

Finally she turned to face me and look me in the eyes, all I can see was anguish and sorrow. "Nothing, I just remember the story my brother hadtold me" She sits down and I copied her action.

"About what?"

She refused to look at me then answered, "He told me the story of the day that I'm about to marry the woman I love, but sadly she left me on the altar" I cringed and my breath hitched as I hear her say it. _That's why she's so upset and lost, so she really doesn't remember._

I hung my head and gulped, "Did he tell you who she was?"

"nope" I raised my head and look at the side of her face, "He doesn't say her name?"

She shakes her head and answered me, "He chose not to, he's worried that I might just kill her" she chuckled scornfully.

"Even her picture you don't have?"

"Nothing, he said that they already burnt it so that I won't see her face anymore" She replied still not looking at me. She's trying hard not to show her emotion from me but I know her well to know that this is also hard for her.

"Could you imagine what kind of person can do that?" This time she finally turns to look me in the eyes, and I bet I look like a deer caught in the headlight with her sudden gaze. "Just think the fact that she knows I'm an orphan huh? And also the fact that she knows the feeling of having no parent when her father died and still she just disregard that. I spend my whole life praying to find someone who will finally going to take care of me, someone who can love me and will spend the rest of my life with."

I already see tears finally escape from her eyes and I hung my head not to see it. She knows how much I hate seeing her cry. I told her before that every time I see her cry it feels like a piece of my heart dies, but I can't tell her that this time.

I gulped as I swallow the lump on my throat, it hurts too much from keeping myself crying. This is really killing me, I feel like I am a monster for causing this.

"They said I really look so happy on my wedding day. Everything was so wonderful, so magical. They said I was a glowing bride to a perfect woman, to a perfect wedding" She smiled sadly, tears rolled down once again to her face and she angrily wipe it , "But I'm wrong, and you know what after that woman left me, they said that I just stayed there sitting in the corner crying. I just stayed there crying so hard that it came to the point that my brother wanted to carry me to go back to the hotel."

She glanced at me and continues, "But he said that I didn't let him, he said that I don't want to leave there, and I will just stay there till she's back. He said that I can't stop crying and I just keep on saying 'I will just wait for her; I know she's coming back. She can't do that to me.' But I'm wrong about that again." After hearing that, I feel my own tears that I've been holding finally rolled down as well, and I'm glad that she's not facing me so she won't see how much it is affecting me. I quickly wipe it with the back of my hand.

After a long pause, she sighed and started the torture again.

"You know what, I'm glad I got into an accident. At least it made me forget what happened and all the memories of her. I'm just glad I don't remember about it anymore."

She chuckled bitterly, her voice hoarse from crying. "But the funny things is, even I have this amnesia, it's still feel fucking hurts!" and it took everything in me not to wipe her tears and hold her while she's crying.

After the statement hang between us, we stayed in silence for a few minutes, "What do you think? Why did she leave me?" She questioned looking at me. "You said I'm funny, you said I'm beautiful, I'm smart, kind, amazing. Then why did she still leave me?" She asked sounding so vulnerable. She averted her eyes away from me like she's scared of hearing the answer.

My breath becomes erratic as it took me by surprise. I'm not sure what I'm going to say, I waited so long to explain to her but not in this way. I inhaled deeply and as I feel like my mouth has a mind of its own, I blurted in a low voice, "Maybe she got scared?"

Her head snapped to look at me, "Oh that's bullshit! That's it? She just got scared?" I winced as she retorted trying to hide her vulnerability.

"Maybe she thinks that she's not ready yet" I answered almost in whisper. "What if she panicked?"

"Well fuck her! Why did she ask me to marry her then?"

"I'm sure she has many reasons" I replied trying to avoid looking in her eyes. "Even I might get scared"

"Of what?" She's gaze at me waiting for an answer. "to you"

"To me? So it's my fault now?"

"No! I mean, maybe she's scared _for_ you. Maybe she thinks that if she upholds the wedding you might get hurt more."

"Oh Jesus, Ashley! Did she think I'm not hurting right now?" she shouted in disbelief, I winced again, hearing my name makes me feel like she's really directing it to me. She angrily wiped another tear that rolled down to her cheek.

"Maybe she has so many questions before" I hang my head and keep going, "What if she loves you too much that it consumed her and that feeling terrified her. Or what if she feels like she doesn't deserve you or wouldn't take the risk of hurting you if she fucks up like she always did to everything? Maybe it frightened her how fast people can come to her life and suddenly be gone like when she lost her father.

What if what she feels about you is so much stronger than what she feels about anything else and that seriously scared her? Maybe she just got so confused before Spencer" When I looked at her, her face is unreadable and suddenly, she stood up to pace in front of me. She stopped and looked me down, her eyes narrowed and threw her hands in the air, "And now, what? Did she get the answers huh?! Did she found it by leaving her?!"

She looks so lost it hurts. All emotions are swirling inside me. Part of me wants to finally say that the one she's talking about is just sitting in front of her, but I can't dare to add the hurt she's feeling right now. I don't know if she can handle it more.

I shook my head and look at her in the eyes, "Maybe no. Maybe she realized that losing you is worse than everything. Maybe she doesn't realized how important of what she just throw away, and she became stupid and selfish and idiot" Her face softens as I continue, "And you know what Spencer? I'm sure that wherever that person is, she's living every second of her life with full of regrets."

She dropped to her sit again feeling tired of her outburst. "And I'm sure that if ever you're talking to her right now, I'm sure she will only ask you one thing." We looked into each other as I said. "She hopes that you can forgive her"

Then she turned to look away, trying herself to stop from crying. No one talked for a minute and all I can hear was her sniffles and erratic breaths. I frown as I realize it's just not from her outburst. She started wheezing and I feel lost for a second. _Oh my God, is she having an asthma attack?_

"Sp-Spencer?" She didn't answer, her shoulders just rapidly rising and falling.

I must not panic. I must not panic. I picked up her purse and search for her inhaler. _Please don't tell me it's not here!_

"Oh Thank God!"

I grabbed her shoulder to lean her back in front of me and place the inhaler on her mouth. She inhaled deeply for a few times and I feel her start relaxing. She let me hold her and I cradle her to stop from crying. A tear escaped from my eyes, hurting from what my girl is going through.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, just taking in the silence. She suddenly pulled back and wiped the remaining tears away.

"Come on, the rain already stopped" She grabbed the bags and didn't wait for me to stand up. I followed her as we settle on the car. I asked to drive but she refused to, so I comply just wallowing the uncomfortable silence of the way back her house.


End file.
